Reject Review – Gangsters 2: Vendetta

RRGangsters2

Gangsters 2: Vendetta is a Russian doll of revenge plots.

When some mobster dude has your mobster dad killed, you seek justice by becoming a mobster and killing all the other mobsters – starting with that bastard who orphaned you. His name is Ward “Bullseye” Coley and he’s one mean mother. Your name is Joey Bane and you have a sneer like an anus sucking a lemon.

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Reject Review – Celtic Kings: Rage of War

RRCelticKings

Celtic Kings styles itself as ‘[a] great mixture of two genres – adventure and real-time strategy [with] beautifully stylized 2D graphics [and] an inspiring storyline set during the Gallic Wars’. Nowhere in that list does it say ‘the most prolonged escort mission since Callgirls 3: Banker’s Bonus’.

I’ve seen less blatant padding in a drag queen’s bra. The devs were all about two things: putting vital locations on opposite map corners, and druids. Druid is another word for speed trap.

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Total War: Arena – Nine Parts Great, One Part Ballsed Up?

Total War: Arena

The Creative Assembly’s newly-announced F2P multiplayer looks to be nine parts brilliance to one part Oh God, No.

Era-mixing? Marvellous. 10vs10? Delightful. Deliberately making it so the three units you control are as complicated as 20 units in a standard Total War game? …Not so sure about that one, fellas.

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