Reject Review – Celtic Kings: Rage of War


Celtic Kings styles itself as ‘[a] great mixture of two genres – adventure and real-time strategy [with] beautifully stylized 2D graphics [and] an inspiring storyline set during the Gallic Wars’. Nowhere in that list does it say ‘the most prolonged escort mission since Callgirls 3: Banker’s Bonus’.

I’ve seen less blatant padding in a drag queen’s bra. The devs were all about two things: putting vital locations on opposite map corners, and druids. Druid is another word for speed trap.

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Reject Review – Damage Inc. Pacific Squadron WWII


MadCatz are a peripheral company. They make controllers, fightsticks, headphones, and other third party pieces that break way within three months. In 2012, they decided to make a game. MadCatz should not make games.

Damage Inc. Pacific Squadron WWII is a flight simulator whose title is longer than it is. You’d have expected it to master the fundamental element of its premise. Nope. Planes control like a wheelie bin with a propellor. Maneuvering my reticle would send my Wildcat into a nose dive, or assault me with the shaky-camera effect. At points I was worried that the sides of the screen would slice my pilot in half and then rattle the bits around the cockpit.

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Total War: Arena – Nine Parts Great, One Part Ballsed Up?

Total War: Arena

The Creative Assembly’s newly-announced F2P multiplayer looks to be nine parts brilliance to one part Oh God, No.

Era-mixing? Marvellous. 10vs10? Delightful. Deliberately making it so the three units you control are as complicated as 20 units in a standard Total War game? …Not so sure about that one, fellas.

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