Reject Review – Might and Magic VI

RRM&MVI

Might and Magic VI is a game composed entirely of fetch quests. You go on six fetch quests for the items required to unlock another four fetch quests which will, eventually, allow you access to a fetch quest. I’d love to see the planning room for this project:

“Okay, Steve, we need you to go and get an old lady’s groceries. Then, with the money she gives you, catch a bus to the home of a guy who delivers The Yellow Pages for a living. If you bring him a newspaper he will let you look through a spare copy for a freelance programmer. When you get to his house…”

And then, after procuring the wine, flowers, French Chef and Barry White CD needed to make the programmer’s girlfriend forgive him for forgetting to feed her goldfish, Steve sat down and wrote the game plot.

This clearly was not a story anybody was meant to actually play. It meanders around like a drunken magpie; picking up and discarding bits of glass and tinfoil in a bleary-eyed, unfocused way. A runaway prince here, a treacherous baron ther- Oh, no, wait, it’s seen a puddle. Never mind. Hope you weren’t expecting any of those to go anywhere.

I’d bless its little heart for trying, but it doesn’t. Might and Magic VI gives no fucks. If there was some manner of RPG plague and it was up to it and Daggerfall to repopulate the species, that would be it. Copulation Identification Error: fucks not found.

Its disregard for storytelling is superseded only by its disregard for basic aesthetics. Limited by tech is one thing, painstakingly making sure that none of the clothes go together – no matter what combination you slap them on in – is quite another. They only used about three shades of green and all of them clash.

Four shades of gold. Bastards.

Four shades of gold. Bastards.

The dungeons? Fug. The towns? Fug. The cannibals’ camps? Racist and fug. If there is anything good about this game, GOG didn’t include it in the download. It is a sad, decrepit history lesson about what people suffered in 1998 in the name of playing games. And they must have played it, because there were two sodding sequels. Worse, there was critical success. In a year with Fallout 2, Grim Fandango, Thief: The Dark Project, and Half Life; Might and Magic VI had critical success.

If you’ll excuse me, I need to search the house for an extension cord, trade it for the use of the kitchen, make my boyfriend a ham sandwich in return for my housekeys, and go buy some ice cream to weep bitter tears into.

Reject Reviews updates every Thursday. You can read previous instalments here.

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